No man is an island,
\nEntire of itself,
\nEvery man is a piece of the continent,
\nA part of the main.
\nIf a clod be washed away by the sea,
\nEurope is the less.
\nAs well as if a promontory were.
\nAs well as if a manor of thy friend’s
\nOr of thine own were:
\nAny man’s death diminishes me,
\nBecause I am involved in mankind,
\nAnd therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
\nIt tolls for thee<\/p>\n
-John Donne 1572-1631<\/p>\n
Browsing my bookshelf recently, I discovered a workbook about simplicity. \u00a0Given my aims for the year, this seemed a good time to revisit this book.\u00a0 The author discusses a number of reasons why today\u2019s society is fixated on consumption, and how a movement to simplify is underway.<\/p>\n
The author reveals she had a consumption issue with shopping, involving\u00a0a personal shopper on call at Sacks.\u00a0 I thought, that does sound pretty extreme.\u00a0 At first I didn\u2019t think this applied to me.\u00a0 But, she goes on to uncover some of the reasons why people are driven to consume, how it can fill other gaps in our lives.\u00a0 On closer inspection, I recall trips to the Nordstrom makeup counter or shoe department while on business trips. I told myself it was because I didn\u2019t have time to shop when the kids were around, but, truth be told, I was lonely.\u00a0 Business travel is generally solo, and I\u2019ve always enjoyed it.\u00a0 This however, went deeper.\u00a0 I was lonely at home too, and really just wanted to talk to someone.<\/p>\n
I was so busy with work and caring for the kids, that I had let many friendships go.\u00a0 Certainly this was not purposeful, but it seemed time went by in a frenzy of activity and tasks, day after day. Someone once told me, never let your clients get dusty.\u00a0 This is good advice, but I think it applies, just as aptly, to friendships.<\/p>\n
At first I judged myself harshly for this.\u00a0 I should have found time to connect with friends.\u00a0 I should have made more of an effort, accepted more invitations, picked up the phone more often.\u00a0 I repeated the list of should haves, should haves, should haves to myself.\u00a0 But, the truth was I was just too tired and worn out most of the time, thanks to crazy travel schedules, and super mutant bugs the kids picked up. \u00a0\u00a0I had to admit there was only so much of me to go around.<\/p>\n
Then, recently, someone told me parents of toddlers often find it an isolating time.\u00a0 This surprised me.\u00a0 Truly, it was a bit of an epiphany.\u00a0 Perhaps I wasn\u2019t alone in feeling this way.\u00a0 Maybe it was just a temporary reflection of where I was in life.<\/p>\n
When I became pregnant with my first child, I happily envisioned befriending other women in pre-natal yoga, or chatting over coffee at play-dates. \u00a0Likewise, when we moved to our current home, I was excited. I had visions of neighbors knocking on my door, casseroles in hand, or stopping to chat as\u00a0they walked dogs.\u00a0 In this daydream, ridiculously, these neighbors invariably had charming Southern accents.<\/p>\n
More recently, I read, A Man Called Ove<\/em>.\u00a0 In this novel, Ove, the elderly curmudgeon, is preoccupied with the best way to commit suicide, but neighbors keep interrupting, with a series of hilarious pseudo-crises, always needing his assistance.\u00a0 Albeit an endearing story, it struck me as improbable.\u00a0 I found I was a bit jealous of Ove.\u00a0 He too was lonely, but his neighbors seemed doggedly determined to befriend him, to draw him into their lives.<\/p>\n The reality of modern life is somewhat different. Everyone is supremely busy.\u00a0 Most people are wrapped up in their own lives, hopes, desires, and troubles, and rightfully so.\u00a0 Navigating life is difficult. The demands of young children are time consuming.\u00a0 There\u2019s not much energy left\u00a0at the end of a whirlwind day.<\/p>\n At a recent birthday party, I recall chasing after my toddler who\u2019d fallen, then arbitrating a disagreement over a toy among preschoolers. Opportunities to strike up conversations with other parents are rare in the wonderful chaos of raising little people.\u00a0 It seems I have snippets of many conversations interrupted, over and over.\u00a0 I\u2019m constantly losing my train of thought, and forgetting what question I asked.<\/p>\n Years ago, I think raising children may have been somewhat different. This has me thinking about Downton Abbey.\u00a0 Perhaps this is part of Downton\u2019s appeal, the differentness of the lifestyle compared with modern day.\u00a0 While few of us have servants and butlers, it also was a time when people lived in such closeness, so intertwined were their lives with one another\u2019s. The children had caretakers, parents, and extended family, all living in such proximity.<\/p>\n This lifestyle really seems to reflect the ancient African proverb, \u2018It takes a village to raise a child.\u2019\u00a0 Is this true today?\u00a0 Can it be true in today\u2019s world? Conversely, a line from The Interestings<\/em> comes to mind:<\/p>\n \u2018For a while they\u2019d stayed close\u2026 having children had knocked it all into a different arrangement. The minute you had children, you closed ranks. You didn\u2019t plan this in advance, but it happened. Families were like individual, discrete, moated island nations. The little group of citizens on the slab of rock gathered together instinctively, almost defensively, and everyone who was outside the walls\u2014even if you\u2019d been best friends\u2014was now just that, outsiders<\/em>.\u2019<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n This, to me, seemed more accurately to reflect my feelings.\u00a0 I did feel our little family unit was an isolated island unto ourselves, small and storm-swept. I often feel alone, with only the two of us\u00a0trying to muddle through the complex demands of life, and complicated parenting decisions. I\u2019m afraid we\u2019ll make a mistake, or miss something important, when we only want the best for our family, as all parents do. Sometimes, I feel as if I am screaming, but no one can hear me.<\/p>\n I hope people don\u2019t feel they have to accept this, that this is the curse of working people and stay at home parents alike, to keep their universe small out of a lack of time. \u00a0Even the most introverted of people craves the companionship of others.\u00a0 No man is truly an island.<\/p>\n Perhaps today, it is a virtual village, albeit a much wider one. \u00a0People may not live in small villages, or have live-in servants, but that doesn\u2019t mean there has to be less of an opportunity to share our fears and triumphs, as our world grows ever more connected.<\/p>\n To say that misery loves company, may be accurate.\u00a0 But this goes a step further, with shared recognition of the fact that balancing life is difficult, and parenting is hard. Perhaps we can support one another through it. I\u2019m grateful for the help or advice of anyone who\u2019s been through a similar experience.<\/p>\n In the past few weeks, I have made a conscious effort to engage more in my community and reconnect with people I love.\u00a0 I have so enjoyed this time, and cherish these recent memories, despite feeling pulled in multiple directions. I may be more tired, but I am happy.\u00a0 I know it\u2019s not sustainable, but perhaps being out of balance from time to time is part of a balanced life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" No man is an island, Entire of itself, Every man is a piece of the continent, A part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less. As well as if a promontory were. As well as if a manor of thy friend’s Or of thine own were:… Continue reading No Man is an Island<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-113","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-posts"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p78aL7-1P","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/113","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=113"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/113\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":124,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/113\/revisions\/124"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=113"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=113"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=113"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}\n