{"id":352,"date":"2018-05-25T15:31:00","date_gmt":"2018-05-25T15:31:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lynnricker.com\/?p=352"},"modified":"2020-05-19T14:01:58","modified_gmt":"2020-05-19T14:01:58","slug":"the-unease-of-stillness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/?p=352","title":{"rendered":"The Unease of Stillness"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"“<\/em><\/p>\n

“Inside, I found three things: a silver mirror, a silk handkerchief, and a glass flask of ointment.\u00a0 If you ever lose faith in yourself, the mirror will show your inner beauty.\u00a0 In case your reputation is stained, the handkerchief will remind you of how pure your heart is.\u00a0 As for the balm, it will heal your wounds, both inside and outside.\u201d <\/em>– Elif Shafak<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve just returned from a work conference. Usually, I find attending conferences energizing: motivational speakers, keynotes, hearing new ideas, meeting new people, and catching up with friends.<\/p>\n

But, after this latest one, however, I feel strangely deflated.\u00a0 It could be that I had strep throat, or that my speaking responsibilities left me less able to relax.\u00a0 \u00a0Now, I have a sense of unease and fatigue I can\u2019t shake.<\/p>\n

The nature of my industry, or business in general, has been getting to me recently.\u00a0 Although there is competition in all things, I am generally content to coexist.\u00a0 The expectation to push can be exhausting.<\/p>\n

I envision lions crouching in the Savannah around a herd.\u00a0\u00a0 The roar is loud and terrible.\u00a0 I wish I were a bird flying above it.\u00a0 I tell myself I am being dramatic and impatient.\u00a0 Really, there is nothing wrong.<\/p>\n

Everyone is well, and I have everything to be thankful for.\u00a0 Logically, I know all of this, but still, I feel nameless anxiety permeating the air around me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Hoping music will distract from my mood, I\u2019m revisit a piano piece in my spare time.\u00a0 It\u2019s a study by Schumann,\u00a0 structured in triads.\u00a0 Each trio in the left hand is answered by another in the right.\u00a0 The voices have alluded me in the past, making the dynamics difficult.<\/p>\n

Today, it seems clearer.\u00a0 I hear the three notes in the left triad, \u2018look at me,\u2019 followed by the right hand, \u2018I can too.\u2019\u00a0 It sounds like a big sister bossing, and a little sister, refusing to be outdone.\u00a0 In the beginning, it is a dance, the two moving in lockstep.\u00a0 The first steps forward, and the second follows.<\/p>\n

Then, there is a section, all accidentals and dissonance, as if they are pulling away from one another.\u00a0 The notes are jumbled, and difficult to hear; I think I\u2019ve made a mistake, and am surprised to see these are the intended chords.\u00a0 Eventually, it resolves, and the main theme repeats.\u00a0 As it ends in diminuendo, you wonder if they have really made peace, or decided to stop trying altogether.<\/p>\n

This is rather how life feels at the moment.\u00a0 Perhaps, it is natural to feel low in the rain.\u00a0 Lethargic and disinterested, I want to curl up with a book, and nap until the sun comes out.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I see wetlands in my mind, damp and sticky, cattails standing still in the absence of a breeze.\u00a0 I want to lie down in that swamp.\u00a0 I imagine submerging myself in the mud; it is a warm and comfortable thought.\u00a0 It reminds me of the dreams I have at night, strange and exotic places, and always unseen predators, such as the beady-eyed alligators that live in my swamp.<\/p>\n

I tell myself the return of the sun is the balm I need, although, I know this pervasive air runs deeper.\u00a0 The summer is coming though, despite the wet chill in the air.\u00a0 I see landscapers pulling droopy pansies from the ground.\u00a0 They pile them in an awkward heap.\u00a0 It makes me sad, to throw out something still living.\u00a0\u00a0 I remove spent blooms from pansies and primroses at my doorstep, and give them a drink.\u00a0 They seem to perk up.<\/p>\n

The next morning when I awake, the sky is cloudy.\u00a0 The humidity in the air, however, foretells of a warm day to come.\u00a0 I tell myself what I need is external motivation.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

We see the movie RBG<\/em>.\u00a0 I am intrigued by her story, and ashamed how little I know of this woman whose efforts have so shaped the gains in equality women enjoy today.\u00a0 I admire her courage, matriculating to Harvard Law among a sea of men in 1956, and her work ethic, burning the midnight oil until 4 am, a legal scholar. \u00a0I rather like the idea of being a student of one\u2019s own profession.<\/p>\n

Next, I visit the Bucks County Garden Home. In this annual event benefiting the hospital, local designers and landscape architects take on a new home and garden project.\u00a0 The house and grounds are open to the public for one month.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been meaning to go as long as we\u2019ve lived here, but never made the time.<\/p>\n

This year\u2019s home is on a farm in Pipersville, PA.\u00a0 I read in the guidebook the land was originally settled in the early 1700\u2019s by Dutch colonists who lived in peace with the local Lenni-Lenape Indians.\u00a0 I wonder, what that would have been like?<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

As I wander\u00a0through the surrounding woods, I think it may have looked similar then.\u00a0 The light gently pervades the tree canopy; dappled leaves overhang the wood chipped pathway.\u00a0 The landscape designers have left this area wild.\u00a0 Virginia creeper intertwines with broad leaf vine, crisscrossing the forest floor.\u00a0 Squirrels dart here and there in between tall ferns.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

The property contains two homes, and several outbuildings, including a ranch house, and the original farm-house, each room a masterpiece by a different designer.\u00a0 In one, creamy, French lace festoons the window casings, while accents of crystal and lavender products from a local farm make one think of the warm embrace of a B&B stay.\u00a0 In another, the walls are lined with books, and the contrasting mallard blue walls, and rich chocolate leather furniture invite one to stay and ponder awhile.\u00a0 The windows showcase views of the garden and surrounding farm fields. The air is warm, and the skies are clearing.<\/p>\n

And just like that, as I emerge into the sunlight, I am Olaf, singing of summer. In fair summer air, all seems possible and certain to come about quite easily.\u00a0 I know this not to be true, but I choose to breathe in the warm air, and believe it is so.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“ “Inside, I found three things: a silver mirror, a silk handkerchief, and a glass flask of ointment.\u00a0 If you ever lose faith in yourself, the mirror will show your inner beauty.\u00a0 In case your reputation is stained, the handkerchief will remind you of how pure your heart is.\u00a0 As for the balm, it will… Continue reading The Unease of Stillness<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"quote","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-352","post","type-post","status-publish","format-quote","hentry","category-posts","post_format-post-format-quote"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p78aL7-5G","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/352","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=352"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/352\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":383,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/352\/revisions\/383"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=352"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=352"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=352"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}