And can you feel the love tonight?
\nHow it’s laid to rest
\nIt’s enough to make kings and vagabonds
\nBelieve the very best<\/p>\n
There’s a time for everyone if they only learn
\nThat the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn
\nThere’s a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors
\nWhen the heart of this star-crossed voyager beats in time with yours<\/p>\n
-Tim Rice, The Lion King<\/p>\n
Valentine\u2019s Day and President\u2019s Day is upon us, that combined commercial one-two punch of marshmallow hearts and no school.\u00a0 These have never been my favorite holidays, perhaps clouded by disappointments that follow us from adolescence, or maybe it is more the expectations attached to such days to buy flowers and fragrance, and then participate in a frenzy of extraordinary car and mattress deals.<\/p>\n
With the start of Lent this week, I recall in 2015 Pope Francis suggested instead of giving up \u2018things\u2019 for lent, we should give up indifference towards one another.\u00a0 This was a new and fascinating idea, not just because I\u2019m happy to continue enjoying wine and chocolate, but I do believe people would rather others were more loving every day rather than lavishing gifts on just this one day.\u00a0 But, that is a much bigger promise to make to someone you love, and much harder to uphold.<\/p>\n
Recently, over the Christmas holiday, just a week or so into my vacation, as stress started to loosen its binds, I began to see my life and was considering how I could re-tool it just a little, or perhaps re-imagine it all together. I didn\u2019t realize how just thinking about this must already have been noticeable externally as well.<\/p>\n
One morning my daughter cocked her head and looked at me quizzically, \u2018Mommy, why are you different?\u2019 \u00a0I wasn\u2019t quite sure what she was getting at.\u00a0 I said, \u2018What do you mean Jules?\u00a0 I\u2019m the same as always\u2019.\u00a0 She shook her head, frustrated.\u00a0 No, she said emphatically, <\/em>\u2018Why aren\u2019t you yelling at us?\u2019<\/p>\n I felt stunned as if she had struck me.\u00a0 This was how my beautiful, sensitive little girl saw me.\u00a0 These were the memories her four-year old self was making.\u00a0 Not of a fun, loving mom with hugs and shared smiles, but a frenzied, angry person.<\/p>\n I was in such a daze that I don\u2019t recall what I said in return.\u00a0 I tried to maintain my composure, not wanting her to see how her question had affected me, in case the emotion frightened her.\u00a0 She is often fearful of outbursts of emotion, either angry or sad.\u00a0 I\u2019ll often turn away from the kitchen sink to see her recoiling from a TV commercial, or crying over something sad that happened in a cartoon. I know this will pass, but for now, it is sweet to see.\u00a0 I love the opportunity to gather her up and reassure her it isn\u2019t real. At times, it can be difficult to convince her that Blaze and his friends were not swallowed up in the volcano, and no, there was no orange goo that was going to come after her.<\/p>\n But, her question stuck with me over the next weeks.\u00a0 Even now, my stomach muscles tighten with guilt, frustration, and the fear I feel for the future. \u00a0Last year, in a moment were I needed some clarity, I stumbled across a website, www.greatday.com.\u00a0 The gentleman who writes these daily posts, Ralph Marston, always seems to know what I need to hear. Today\u2019s post is no exception. \u00a0It reads you have two choices: you can feel sorry for yourself, or you can let the situation inspire you to take positive action. So, moving forward with positivity it is, but this can be exceptionally difficult to do.<\/p>\n I looked to the world around me for inspiration. \u00a0Amazed, I saw inspiration seemed to be everywhere; it was all around me. \u00a0It was in trees topped with snow, their quiet beauty a testament to the universal truth, this too shall pass<\/em>.\u00a0 There was something comforting in knowing they had long been there, as if they had a secret wisdom to share if I only stopped to listen.<\/p>\n It was in a museum exhibit on quilts, both old and new, their bright colors and patterns a cacophony of light and movement, rather like being in a tropical garden on a winter\u2019s day.\u00a0 Later that night, I wrapped myself in Great Grandma Clara\u2019s quilt.\u00a0 It felt as if imprinted with the shared hopes, dreams, and love of those ancestors whose hands had touched it.<\/p>\n And it was in people around me as well. It was in small children\u2019s delight at a recent playdate scavenger hunt, their bright eyes shining with excitement and triumph as they found the hidden candy hearts. It was in close friends\u2019 stories, as they bravely faced difficult situations with grace and forbearance.\u00a0 They bore their troubles with strength and quiet confidence, like Ann Rand\u2019s Dagny Taggart.\u00a0\u00a0 They seemed to know they had strength enough to overcome.<\/p>\n Perhaps I did too. I looked back on my memory with Julia in a different way.\u00a0 Maybe shame did not have to be the defining take-away.\u00a0 She would not have made the observation if she didn\u2019t feel things were palpably different.<\/p>\n I reflected on what I had learned.\u00a0 I realized the answers were perhaps simpler than I had assumed.\u00a0 In recent weeks I had written about several themes central to love:<\/p>\n The Japanese character (Kiku) means \u201cto listen to\u201d with your eyes, your mind, your heart. I recently read an article summarizing a research study on why some relationships survive, while others fail. \u00a0The researchers found that when partners’ \u2018bids\u2019 (suggestions, ideas, or requests) where met with listening, interest, and positive response, partners felt validated and appreciated.\u00a0 \u00a0Conversely, when they were ignored or rebuffed, partners felt diminished, and over time contempt developed.<\/p>\n The Duchenne smile is one where the face contracts both voluntarily and involuntarily, a true and genuine smile.\u00a0 When someone smiles at you in this way, you can\u2019t help but want to smile back. Whenever my children smile, they always seem to smile in this way.\u00a0 It must be later in adolescence that we master the sarcastic smile, and then in adulthood, the sadder still, polite smile, one that doesn\u2019t go past your lips.<\/p>\n Maybe Olaf has something important to share with us.\u00a0 Research shows people need at least 8 hugs a day for optimal health.\u00a0 The simple act of hugging has a myriad of benefits for the\u00a0body and the\u00a0spirit, reducing stress, improving heart health, and increasing mindfulness.\u00a0 For babies and children, hugs are central to reduce fears, and help them become well-adjusted adults.<\/p>\n So love is more than something felt in your heart; it transcends the internal spirit, overflowing and apparent to the recipient, in sound, sight, and touch.<\/p>\n Ultimately, I listened to what my children had to teach me about love. I recall Michael\u2019s face the first time he tried ice cream at one years old.\u00a0 At first he looked suspiciously at the unfamiliar substance on the spoon and clamped his lips shut, untrusting.\u00a0 I put just a little bit on his lips so he couldn\u2019t help but taste.\u00a0 At first his expression reflected confusion, and then he smiled wide with sheer delight.\u00a0 And he said, \u2018mo mo dat.\u2019<\/p>\n I am taking his advice this Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 I look for more, more of that.\u00a0 Joy and inspiration is there for the taking, in everyday situations. It\u2019s all around us.\u00a0 This Valentine\u2019s Day and Lent my hope is to allow myself to feel the love that surrounds.\u00a0 Much like my heirloom quilt, we are all interconnected pieces of a whole, made more durable and beautiful by the threads that bind us together.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" And can you feel the love tonight? How it’s laid to rest It’s enough to make kings and vagabonds Believe the very best There’s a time for everyone if they only learn That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn There’s a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors When the heart of this… Continue reading Love Surrounds<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-66","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-posts"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p78aL7-14","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=66"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":72,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66\/revisions\/72"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=66"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=66"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lynnricker.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=66"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}\n
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