Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.  – W. Somerset Maugham

I last wrote about Not Buying It six months ago, after reading A Year of No Purchases.  I saw how time slipped by in a frenzy of activities and absent minded purchases, and had resolved to live more purposely for a quarter.

Thus began our experiment with Not Buying it.  Here is the link to the original post, if you missed it. https://lynnricker.com/?p=284

Looking back, after Not Buying It, I feel lighter.  It was surprisingly freeing, and I loved all we could do with our savings, and the time it gave us together as a family.

Without shopping as a pastime: searching for, buying, tracking, and returning things, I had more free time.  My stylist emailed me, wondering what had happened.  This made me chuckle, and feel a bit concerned about how I bought without thought. Having better control and budget insight, I felt less scattered, and found I didn’t miss the things I used to buy.

Once the holidays came, we limited our purchases to Gift of the Magi: three items per child.  I made smarter decisions, buying items I thought would really be valued, which in some instances weren’t things, but experiences.  The couple I choose for myself came to be cherished in a way I hadn’t expected.  Purchasing and keeping only what you love turned out to be empowering, and somehow freed my mind of clutter, with our home reflecting a cleaner, more streamlined aesthetic.

But, I also learned a bit about myself in the process, and how I manage stress.  I think everyone must have some sort of stress outlet.  Perhaps it need not be a vice, but it often is.  Without acquiring things, my brain searched for new ways to meet this need, without my knowing it.

If I’m honest, I traded one vice for another.  Those five or so pounds of baby weight I worked to lose this summer came back.  There was birthday cake, Halloween candy, Thanksgiving pie, and Christmas cookies.  A different sort of excess, but no less unhealthy.

I didn’t see it as stress eating, but in-between work calls, a little square of chocolate, or a cookie alongside some tea, seemed to make it all better, if only for a moment.  The trouble was how often it was repeated.

I learned the brain wants a dopamine boost somehow, or someway.  If it’s not shopping or food, it could be exercise, or the human connection.  There have been many recent headlines about the addictive nature of devices and social media.  The rush of dopamine in the brain is genetically designed to be a powerful creator of habit.

Dopamine, a neurotransmitter (e.g. a chemical messenger), is released in connection to rewarding experiences; specifically it increases in areas of the brain that process pleasure in anticipation of a positive experience.  In this way, it helps the brain to recognize incentive salience, and to remember that feeling, so that you can create it again in the future.

Thus enlightened, I felt better about substituting vices, though still frustrated.  And, despite the number on the scale, we did succeed in a number of ways.  At the end of the quarter, we had saved significantly.

• When I resumed buying, I paused longer to consider the utility of purchases. I found we didn’t need as much as I thought.
• We were able to do more for others, expanding our list of charities. I truly enjoyed this, and caught myself humming carols as we decorated, baked, and packed items for donation.
• My children’s daily requests for new toys died down somewhat, truly a holiday miracle. They enjoyed sorting their old toys, and helping me drop off at area charities.
• We stayed at home more as well, and read holiday stories under the Christmas tree. Merry and bright came to have a new meaning, and I was reluctant to let it go once we packed away our decorations.

In early January, I enjoyed some new vegan habits to melt the holiday pounds away.  But, as holiday warmth faded, and winter waned on, it was difficult to sustain.  Then, came Girl Scout cookies for my daughter’s troop.  Back to the veggies again.

I came to realize the need to do some soul searching on more positive outlets for stress.  Walks in the still frosty air, a more consistent schedule of yoga, or perhaps my newest hobby – knitting a scarf for my daughter by the fireside, may all be better choices.

After some quick online research, I discovered a host of foods that can increase dopamine, as well as: being outdoors in the sun, hugs, meditation, sleep, music, experiencing new things, anticipation of upcoming events, creating a to-do list, a detail oriented hobby, exercise, and spending time with people.  All of these seem healthier, and more appealing than some of my previous habits.

Perhaps my inclination to continue hobbies I’ll never be good at, or squeezing in a girls night out in a hectic week, may be my brain looking for better ways to absorb stress and boost dopamine.

Looking back, the last six months were beautifully full and chaotic. As a family we will strive to keep some of our newfound habits, and fight to keep excess from creeping back in. Maybe that is the trick, to discern between fullness and excess, and learn to dance that delicate line.

Sometimes it feels like I’m going too fast.  I don’t know how long this feeling will last…

Darling, I don’t know why I go to extremes.  Too high or too low, there ain’t no in-between.

And if I stand, or I fall. It’s all or nothing at all.  Darling, I don’t know why I go to extremes.  – Billy Joel